“Can I learn to do that?”
That question — or the variation, “Can my wife/girlfriend learn to do that?” — is a frequent one when I meet people who haven’t experienced sex with a squirter before or seen it happen outside porn. There’s a good chance the answer to this question is yes, though not necessarily.
It’s likely just a case of stimulating the right tissues the right way, but all of our anatomies varies slightly, so it may not happen for every person with a vagina. It doesn’t mean your vag (or your partner’s) is flawed because it doesn’t squirt.
Your vag is amazing!
What causes squirting (aka female ejaculation, though I don’t love that term) is poorly understood.
There are many various hypotheses about how it happens, and I’ll leave it up to you to Google the science if you’re so inclined, but basically, stimulation of the g-spot causes fluids to build up in the bladder and then be expelled through the urethra upon orgasm.
The storage/exit route is the reason so many people continue to argue that squirt fluid is pee.
It’s Not Pee
I know squirt fluid isn’t pee because it doesn’t feel like pee. It has a slightly viscous or oily texture that urine does not have.
It doesn’t smell like pee and it doesn’t taste like pee. Yes, I have tasted both.
Because it comes through the urethra, it can pick up traces of urine, so very occasionally there’s a little more scent there, but it’s not common. Also, I always empty my bladder before sex, still squirt buckets, then I still have to immediately empty my bladder after I have sex.
It’s Not Pee
There are multiple things that will help you or your partner achieve a squirting orgasm. There is no surefire guaranteed way, so this article is not a prescription, merely a collection of suggestions and descriptions of what has worked for me and others I know.
One important piece to remember is that it will take patience and exploration, so do your best to have fun with it.
Pressure to achieve never helps anyone get anywhere sexually (unless that’s a specific kink for you) so focusing on learning things about your/your partner’s body and finding new ways to experience pleasure will lead to a better experience overall.
Iris, my sexy girlfriend and a fellow squirter, agrees that when we’re stressed/nervous, we’re much less likely to squirt (and will do so less copiously if we do), and vice versa for when we’re relaxed.
Find The G-Spot
Inside the vagina find the spongy tissue located around 1-2 inches in and to the front of the body. If you’re lying on your back, fingers inserted and curled to make ‘come hither’ gesture will help you find it. Play with that tissue. Feel which sensations feel best and cause it to swell.
My personal favorite is the side to side ‘windshield wiper’ gesture focused on my g-spot but a variety of in and out stroking and circles give a lot of pleasure. Iris prefers classic deep fucking thrust in and out pressure mixed with persistent barely-moving pressure (like pressing the njoy Pure Wand against the g-spot and just shifting in up and down a tiny bit), plus clit stimulation from a vibrator.
Other people really like external pressure on top of the pubic mound in conjunction with internal, but I personally find it distracting. Experiment a ton.
Important note: Once you find the thing that causes the ‘oh hells yeah!’ reaction keep doing that thing! (Unless you are asked to stop.)
Try The Right Tool
An incredibly firm pressure in dildo or toy form is often how people first experience squirting orgasms. Having unrelenting stimulation that won’t give out the way fingers do may be required for your body to get the mechanism kickstarted.
My first time with the stainless steel Pure Wand led to my first squirt orgasm. Other people love glass toys like the Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble. I had a lot of fun helping Elle have an epic g-spot orgasm that went on for about 20 minutes with aftershocks using an acrylic G-spot Lollipop.
Yep. Total #explanabrag.
Be Prepared For A Mess
If you’ve got a waterproof surface like a Liberator Throe, throe it down (hah!). They’re great for sex fluid clean up regardless of squirting so they’re a pretty awesome investment. You can also get more affordable granny pads designed for incontinence, which are smaller than a Throe but very handy. Disposable plastic puppy pads that you buy at a drug store are also great, especially for travel.
If not, a stack of towels is a good thing.
The first time I squirted, it was a small trickle, so the surprise clean up wasn’t a big deal. Now I would ruin a bed with what feels like liters of fluid (though it is likely not nearly that much) and I won’t let myself come unless I know I’m on a safe surface. We also have waterproof mattress protectors under our bed sheets.
Practice and Experiment
Everybody is different, so there’s no guaranteed trick that will make a squirting orgasm happen for every g-spot. Try many different pressures, positions, angles, etc. A vibrator on the clit or something in your butt might help or might be a distraction, but you won’t know unless you try.
Remember that this is fun and focus on the pleasure in the moment, not the goal.
I know I’m close when I hear crazy wet slurping sounds coming from my box and I feel the incredible urge to bear down on whatever is inside me. Some people experience this as a similar feeling to needing to pee. I have a hard time squirting when my p*ssy is full, so me saying, “Pull out! Pull out! Pull out!” is normally a surefire sign that I’m about to squirt. Sometimes there’s a delay of up to ten seconds after withdrawal before I come.
Be aware that the bearing down will activate other processes. There’s no delicate way to say this, but there’s a good chance that farting will happen and you just need to roll with it. Farts happen.
That said, if you have an intestinal malady, it’s not a good time for squirt orgasms. Do not learn this the hard way, as I (and my incredibly forgiving partner) did.
Also, if you’ve got a plug in your butt, there’s a good chance you’ll shoot it across the room, or at least the bed, which is actually kind of awesome and hilarious.
Use Even More Lube Than Normal
Squirt fluid is incredibly drying (think hot tub water) so extra lube is important. You may feel wet, but wet is not the same as lubricated. I love silicone lube since it doesn’t wash away as quickly as water-based does, but just use your favorite, and lots of it, and keep re-applying.
Age May Be A Factor
Although I know some people who had their first squirting orgasm in their teens when they had their first orgasm, I didn’t squirt until I was in my 40s. It was likely a combination of being really comfortable with myself and doing more exploration, rather than just doing the same thing I’d done to get off for 20 years, as well as finding the right tool for the job.
Most of the squirters I know are in their mid-30s and up.
Be Careful What You Wish For
Although learning to squirt has increased my ability to orgasm more than tenfold, it comes with the consequence that I can’t shut it off unless I focus all my attention on not coming during sex. I can’t go on sex dates without bringing along my Liberator Throe and since I started spontaneously squirting from less-direct sex acts like fingering, giving blowjobs, watching blowjobs, and having my neck bitten, I have to have something waterproof under me pretty much at all times during sexytimes.
I want to emphasize again that squirting isn’t a sign of a superior orgasm and there’s nothing defective about bodies that don’t do it.
It is a mere quirk of physiology.
Don’t let anyone shame you for not being able to squirt, and even more importantly, don’t shame someone for not squirting.
Yes, even if you tried really really hard to get them there. Especially then.
Listen now: We are all unfinished, and as such, we can strive to always improve. On this episode of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast, we discuss working on ourselves and becoming better, in sex, in relationships, and in life.